Mom was really mad after I told her about how Darrell acts at school and she fought for me to be taken out of Special Ed Classes! Mom thought Darrell was a “teacher beater” and wanted me to be with my peers! Go Mom! I am so happy that someone is fighting for what I want because sometimes I get too nervous to tell people how I feel. My Mom knows that I am capable of doing 5th grade work and she made me tell Mr. Stinger that I like to write. Why was I SO nervous? I could have told him that I like to write by myself and that once I’m done I put it in section 940 in the Public Library where are the books about Somewhere Else are located? I should have told him that I will be a writer in the future and he can see my early work in the library. Maybe he should put THOSE pieces in my file?
What I really could not believe is they failed me from 5th grade and I have to do it all over again. I was proud of Mom for not being afraid of failure. She is a brave lady. I do owe part of my leaving special ed to Darrell Sikes. If it wasn’t for him being wild, nasty, and rude I would still be in the Program. I really do owe him. Maybe I can repay him one day!
After talking about my files, I guess Mr. Stinger thought putting me in Special Ed would help me “reach my potential.” But he doesn’t even know what I’m capable of! I thought that being in Special Education that I would go to a nice little room and meet with someone that would make my work seem a little more exciting. But no, instead I was placed in the hallway for all of my peers to watch me and make fun of me. I bet all of them had stories in their head about why I was sitting there in the first place. Do they think I’m stupid? Unlucky? Unloved? I bet if I put out a cup I would have made some change. The worst part is a lot of them would make fun of me by calling me “Sahara Special.” Before I was placed in the hallway, I thought the word special was a great word, that brought a lot of uniqueness to people and meant they were extraordinary but now I feel like its a mean word that people use to hurt me. I tried to ignore people when they said it but every part of my body heard it and it rattled in my bones.
The Special Ed teacher, who I called Peaches, cause I was too embarrassed that I forgot her real name, constantly reminded me to do my homework and I would just ignore her. I just imagined all of the notes she probably tried to take about me to add to “my file.” I never knew what to say to her. What was hard was sometimes Darrell Sikes would sit with us to do board games. He is truly a troublemaker; he likes to hurt other people and he has some BAD manners. But, we respect one another by not looking at one another. He would throw game pieces around or stop playing to ask irrelevant questions. I told my mom about Darrell and she got really mad! I wonder what will happen tomorrow!
The meeting with Mom and Mr. Stinger was very nerve-wracking. I cannot believe he showed my mother my file. MY file. I was not even able to see the contents of the file that was supposed to show other people how well I was doing in school. I did not even get to choose what goes into that file. That only shows a history of my education, not my history in this school. All of the work in there made it look like I do not care about my writing! I love to write, and the school is trying to make me look dumb! It did not show how I go to the bookstore with Mom and she reads the books to me and then I go to the library and get a huge pile of books to read through? The file does not even talk about how my mom has been my best teacher! The file stole the letters I wrote to my Daddy! The letters in that file are very personal and I want them back. They are my only connection to Daddy, and my Mom thinks that by trying to write to him that I am going to let him walk out with my brain? Oh gosh, this is awful. She was so mad that they want me to be go into Special Ed because of the file of letters. I don’t really even know what Special Ed means yet but I guess it cannot be that bad if it has the word special in it?